My dearest,
Every shower she takes she can't distinguish the pleasurable warmth running down her body from the emotional water works that still are flooding out of her. Something about the showers makes her relive everything. Maybe the warmth of the water reminds her of the warmth of his aura. The hot mist touching her skin a replacement for his arms wrapped around her.
Submerged in water she almost forgets to feel lonely. She breathes in her floral shampoo and lets her imagination run away with her. Into the past, into the future, into all of her remorseful wishes that never got expressed. She closes her eyes and he is everywhere. They are everywhere. They have been everywhere.
She remembers that first shower together after so long apart. After a horrible summer, in which she was so hurt and traumatized she couldn't quite enjoy any intimate act. They had been intimate but nothing memorable, nothing cherishing. It had been a summer of tension and tantrums. Insecurities ran rampant, the opposite you need for a loving couple to get into the mood.
The one thing she cherishes most of that summer is the night they went up the life guard post. They had been at each other's throat most of the time, not purposefully, but growing up and figuring out relationship expectations when you are still figuring out yourself is difficult and both of them struggled to see the other as a team mate instead of the opposition. That night however they were back to being just kids again. She had been feeling such immense sadness, up on the structure however they could just listen to the stars and watch the waves.
They had created a little time pocket for themselves without any eyes judging. Something he was so aware of in his village. For a moment they could just exist and talk, like they used to, and dance, like they used to.
They had left each other as kids. Now however they had found their way back to each other as something somewhat resembling adults. His hair shaven short and his chest being broader than she recalled. Her hair finally back to her natural color and her sense of fashion matured.
They had gotten an update of each other somewhere before Christmas, but it took another few months for faith to bring them back together. Faith it was, he had flipped a coin and booked his tickets to see her. She had booked them a private spa session, unaware of the implications.
It is strange to rediscover a body you're so familiar with. The hesitant undressing, they are in a sauna after all. Stealing secret glances to a now uncovered body. A shower being turned on and him with open arms under it. She knew her place. She knew were to go. Hesitation turned to certainty. She didn't know if the collision she felt was the hot water startling her cold skin or her aura finally truly being able to mingle with his again.
Once you learn to ride a bike you can't unlearn it and once you learn to love someone who is written in the stars for you, that's all you can do. The first thing they did wasn't even kiss. It was her nuzzling her face into his neck, uncaring about the water trying to suffocate her, he could make her defy the natural laws.
Their hands slowly started exploring each other again, a controlled sort of passion. Like any wrong move could make it all disappear into the smoke. As if they could make wrong moves. They were created to cherish each other. His hands finding all the right spots on her body. Nothing sexual even happening. Just unbridled sensuality and familiarity.
Her legs could barely hold her up, but she didn't need to worry about such things as she was in his arms. He was strong enough for the both of them. She could lean back into his chest, be absorbed and stop thinking for a short moment. How many moments in her life she had prayed to be able to feel so comfortable around someone to trust them with her life and just surrender to the currents.
His hands on her still feel so real, yet it is a distant memory and currently she is alone in the shower. Her eyes are still closed and she uses the magic of the water as a time portal. Each day it's a torture. Each day it's a consolation. It's a solace that in her mind she can still be everywhere with him.
Forever Yours,
Zoë
Creative Existence 