ungrateful
My dearest,
I don’t think you ever truly valued the loyalty and devotion I put towards our relationship
I don’t think you truly got how much I compromised to fulfil your preferences
When you got defensive your favorite name for me would be “ungrateful”
UNgrateful
Ungrateful
ungrateful
The more the word spirals through my mind
The more I question it
Was I really that ungrateful?
Or were you telling on yourself?
Was it all a projection?
After all…
I feel embarressed how much I did for you
Waiting patiently for you to come back
Even when
You were out trying your best to forget all about me
This is a list calling out myself for doing too much:
- Learned your language for 200 days (ofcourse I was sad you weren’t
willing to learn mine when we got back together again) - Got you a 250€ skateboard for christmas – while we were broken up
- Also for christmas: a sweater with personalised embroidery
- Got shaved and waxed and prepped just the way you liked it
- Booked a private sauna our first weekend back together
- Compromised on sex before marriage (I don’t think you ever
understood what a big deal that had became for me)
& Basically doing everything to prove to you I could be the perfect wife
Listening to you even when it meant disrespecting my own intuition
Yet, I was ungrateful because I expected flowers on my birthday?
Whenever you asked, I adapted
Whenever I asked, I was ungrateful
You can’t have valued my contributions otherwise you wouldn’t have discarded of me so easily
An ever getting louder voice in my head keeps telling me it wasn’t me
But you
Who was ungrateful
You hurt me – You hurt me – You hurt me
I need to move on
Still,
I miss your hugs
Forever Yours,
Zoë
Creative Existence 